My May/June Goals!!

1. Sleep!!! I want to set the goal to go to bed by at least 11 pm so I can get adequate sleep! When I am groggy and tired I don't want to work out!
2. Turbo Jam Challenge! I want to do the Turbo jam scheduled workouts for the next 60 days!
3. Clean eating! I want to eat as clean as possible cutting out sugars and processed foods!  And FAKE foods! 
4. Meal Planning!  I want to meal plan and cook most all my meals so that I will not be tempted to eat junk and eat out at fast food places!! (It's cheaper too! Better on our tight budget!)
5. Only weigh every 2 weeks!  I don't want to weigh daily or weekly.  I have become too scale obsessed and the truth is when I start working out I know I will gain muscle/water weight as my body gets used to activity.
6. Bodybugg/Daily Burn!!! WEAR my bodybugg every day to track my calorie burn! I want to set the goal of a daily total burn of 2600 every day!  
7. Calorie total! I will not be specifically counting calories as I want to do more of an intuitive eating thing but I will try to still track somewhat as I want to get an idea of how many calories I am eating.  I want to set my daily calorie at a deficit of 800-900 so I lose about 1.5 pounds a week.  This means on days I burn 3000 calories (with lots of exercise/activity) I can eat about 2200 calories!  
8. Water!!! I need to track how much water I drink! My goal is to drink HALF my water weight in water.  That will be 135 ounces! Yummy! I love water!!! 
9. I am also going to toy around with doing Chalene extreme workout. So a hybrid of Turbo Jam and Chalene Extreme
10. Shakeology! If I can afford to buy it this month I will be eating this yummy check for Breakfast or snack.  Chalk full of healthy vitamins and whole foods it helps me eat better throughout the day because I have less cravings, more energy, and I am sooo full from it! It is also the only protein drink I can honestly mix with only water and LOVE the taste! All others are yucky!

WOOT!! I am excited!! What are your goals?

Struggling....

I am not sure when it exactly happened.  Probably weeks ago when the scale didn't budge.  I was so excited to get my Bodybugg and the week after Christmas and right after New Year's I began the exciting journey of watching my daily burns and trying to increase them accordingly.  Some days I tried to challenge myself to get higher than the day before and then a few days I was as high as 3000 and 3200, and one day 3350!  My suggested daily burn is 2600 set by my bodybugg...so that was about 400, 600, and 750 over respectively  The idea is to eat 1000 less than your daily burn to get your deficit of 7000 for the day.  So that week I consistently ate considerably under my burn.  1600 on day, 1800 the other, 1550, etc. etc.  I didn't lose.  Then the following week I sort of gave up.  That's what brought me to this week.  I didn't exercise and didn't log my food.  I didn't "gain" either.  But something else happened.  I started to get so depressed that I found myself feeling like I did before I even started.  Apathetic.  Hopeless.  And fat and ugly.  I have lost 20 lbs.  That should be a thing to celebrate.  But the thing is, I haven't lost more than 20 lbs.  My goal was to lose 30 by Feb. 12.  It's entirely still doable.  That's 3 weeks to lose 10 lbs.  But with my lack of motivation it's going to be hard to overcome.  When the scale stopped moving...I got down in the dumps.  Then I started eating things I shouldn't.  I ate out a lot over the last couple weeks.  I drank pop and ate sweets.  It will take a lot for me to fight the cravings.  I don't have anything bad in my house to eat so that really wouldn't be a challenge.  I haven't exercised at all last week.  I feel bloated.  I haven't really gained anything back.  The scale not budging is one thing. It upsets me that I have lost motivation.  I won't give up. I am not saying that.  I just want to start seeing a loss.  I want my hard work to pay off.  And most importantly, I want to start caring again.  I might start posting on my blog more often to work out my thoughts.  Weight loss is a journey.  It is a difficult journey because there is so much to losing weight than eating right and exercising.  For someone who has overate their whole life and struggled with being 100-120 lbs overweight for over 7 years.  I learned to despise exercising and love eating.  To break all of that is a process.  I know this.  I have to continue to dig deeper. 

I want to and then I don't....

Hey, it's been a while since my last update. Strange I thought I would be writing on here a lot but it seems that FB groups have helped me stay on track.  I also joined www.myfitnesspal.com and dropped my Weight watchers membership and have lost a grand total of 20 lbs in 12 weeks! My ultimate goal is to drop 2 lbs a week, but with the holidays and such I count it a great success to be down 20! 

It's been a rough few weeks.  First I got sick after Thanksgiving and then finally started to kick that and got so incredibly exhausted. Well a week or so later I figured out it was hormonal and that my TOM was around the corner.  Do you ever have really bad TOM where you are so exhausted and grouchy?  I get those every so often.  Well, then the holiday stress came about (still PMSing) and was a major stress monkey.  I tried on multiple occasions via online and in stores to find gifts for my family back home in Kansas but just wasn't having any luck finding what I wanted or even finding anything that was totally "them". So I spent the last week before Christmas rushing to send it in time. I paid a lot of $$ to ship and USPS still didn't get it there until....cough, cough...sometime today!

Anyway, this post is about the fact that I am overjoyed at my weight loss and I am motivated to kick it in to high gear, but sometimes I just feel so "bleh"..I think it is the fact that if you get out of the habit, you find it hard to get back into it.   I overindulged about 2 days this week, Christmas eve and Christmas day.  I logged those days, but haven't logged since. Today is the first day back logging on www.myfitnesspal.com and honestly I am struggling with cravings.  I think once you let the sugar in, you find it hard to get it out and want more! I definitely want more!!! But alas, no bad in my house thankfully!!!

My new year's goal is to exercise more!  It feels soooo great to not have that dreaded "gonna start this time"...I have already started! Woot!  It's a great feeling to know I am on my journey and I have made progress!  Sticking to it will be my "New year's resolution"..but even that doesn't feel too challenging...because I am so excited to get going!

Update! Almost 20 lbs down!

I am thrilled to say that I am only a couple pounds from losing 20 pounds.  I probably would have been at my goal of 20 lbs lost by now, but I had 2 weeks of no loss which was during my time of the month (TOM).  There was also thanksgiving, I ate what I wanted.  I ended up losing the following week.  The last two weeks I haven't done much exercising, but I have been eating my calories and stayed within my goal or just a little over a couple of days!  I am happy the scale is going down, but it feels like such a very long journey!!!

I think the best thing is hearing my husband encourage me and say he can tell that I am losing!  I am still in just the early stages of the journey.  Anyone who has known me the last 4 years probably won't see a big change yet.  Because, my weight has hoovered in the 250-270's all these past 4 years.  My lowest weight was 220ish when I first met Philip.  SOOOO my big celebrating moment will come when the scale says 219...because that will be the smallest my husband has ever physically seen me in person!!!  He has seen my high school pictures, but I will be thrilled to show him a smaller me in person!  Wow, something to work towards! Even though that is still a while to go !! (roughly 47.8 additional pounds ) But it is a very attainable goal in the next year. 

You always feel better after a workout!

I have been watching my calories or points for about 6 weeks now.  I have lost about 12 pounds.  Something "clicked" with me last week. I decided to finally turn on the Wii and at least just do Wii step for a while.  I knew it wasn't going to be a very intense workout since it's just Wii Fit, but I knew I needed to do something!  I had a 1.4 pound loss the week before but that just didn't seem good enough for me! So I got the step out and started going! I love Wii Step because it is fun for me and I like competing against the scores!  My husband currently has the highest score on the basic step from when he tried it a couple years ago.  I wanted to beat that!  I kept working but still didn't break his score.  About that time, my daughter woke up from her nap.  I had this idea to just put in my Turbo Jam workout that I have had for 5 years now.  I bought it back even before I was married and actually when I was about 50 lbs less than I am now...Turbo Jam Infomercial  


I decided to just "watch" the video.  I turned it on and sat down.  A few minutes into it I realized I could do this.  So I got up and tried it.  I did about 15 minutes of the 45 minute Cardio Party.  The next day I did the 20 minute workout and the day after that I did the Turbo Sculpt 43 minute workout!  I admit it's hard to get me motivated to workout.  I don't like to at all.  Cardio was not my favorite thing to do, in my slimmer days I was strength training all the way! But these days, especially with how out of shape I am I have decided I need to do Cardio and actually like it once I get going. 

It's true....Nothing feels as good as when you finish a good workout! You truly feel so much better after a workout!!!

A month down and 10 lbs gone!!!

Wow, so I haven't blogged in a whole month!  I really thought I would be one of those people who would blog like 50x a day.  I created a secret FB group of all my friends I know who want to lose weight and so I update how things are going there.  After I wrote my frustrated post on Oct 2, I pondered "doing something" for a few more days and then jumped in slowly to following my Weight Watchers points, something that I had a membership too for months but never used.  The wake up call came when the scale said 285 for the first time in my life.  The first time ever.  I weighed 281 before giving birth to Chloe, but lost it immediately after having her. I started following Weight loss FB pages and felt more and more and more empowered! 

I have been following Weight Watcher points and using Myfitnesspal to track calories for 4 weeks now and the scale read 275.8 today and yesterday!  I have to bask in this, not because I am overly excited, but because I have stuck to something and lost weight!  I was down in the 250s in Jan-March, but gave up very easily.  I find myself looking back and wishing I had only stuck with it.  I could have very easily been 200 pounds by then and smaller than I have been in over 5 years!  But I can't think about that now.  For now, I am happy that I am losing and that I have found awesome support on Facebook.  My next goal is to consistently exercise, something that i haven't yet done.  I need to find something I love and something that keeps me going and motivated!  I have lots of different things like workout DVD's, Wii games, and I could of course walk!  I think once I start moving more I will get even more motivated!  I would like to be down a dress size by Christmas, if not 2. 

Today I hated being fat...

I was actually going to write this blog a week ago, but never got around it.  I started the post in my head so here goes......

Today I hated being fat.  To most people this sounds like a silly thing to say, because most people hate being fat.  For me it is not that concrete of an idea. I haven't liked being big for quite a while, but I haven't hated it bad enough to actually do anything about it.  Today I put on a pair of pants that throughout the course of 4 years have been both "right sized" and "too big" and sadly now, "very very very tight".  They were so tight that my body was very uncomfortable.  It was a wake up call.  Not that I haven't known this was happening.  It was just the first time I put them on and couldn't stand it.  They were so tight that it was like wearing a belt that was 2 sizes too small.  It cut into me like leather and my waist was clearly wider than the width of the pants.  I was able to button it, but that was all I could do.

It made me think.  "When am I actually going to do something about this?"


As I write this post, it is now a week later and I still haven't changed any of my habits.  But the same feeling has been there.  My body, thanks to having had a baby, is not the same.  I have a very large bulge in my stomach where I didn't used to have as much excess fat. 

I weighed myself for the first time in a long time yesterday and the scale was the highest in my life.  Even higher than my pregnancy weight.  If that doesn't wake me up then what will???!!  My fear is of reaching the cusp of another weight.  If I am apathetic any longer that is what will happen.  That scale CANNOT go up any higher! I can't let it!!!

People talk about losing weight and that they "will do anything".  But the truth is, the thought of "doing everything" scares me and disgusts me.  I like food.  I like to eat.  I like the feeling of plump satisfaction when I eat past full.  I am just being honest!! The couch is such a soft little friend.  But the truth is, it is keeping me from truly enjoying all that life has to offer.  Maybe if I get off of my little friend the couch more often I will be able to walk without being winded or dance without parts of my body bouncing that are uncomfortable to see and feel!!! I want to take a picture and not want to press the "delete" button when I see it! 


I have the tools, I just need to make the effort!! And stop making excuses!!!