Sunday, January 22, 2012

Struggling....

I am not sure when it exactly happened.  Probably weeks ago when the scale didn't budge.  I was so excited to get my Bodybugg and the week after Christmas and right after New Year's I began the exciting journey of watching my daily burns and trying to increase them accordingly.  Some days I tried to challenge myself to get higher than the day before and then a few days I was as high as 3000 and 3200, and one day 3350!  My suggested daily burn is 2600 set by my bodybugg...so that was about 400, 600, and 750 over respectively  The idea is to eat 1000 less than your daily burn to get your deficit of 7000 for the day.  So that week I consistently ate considerably under my burn.  1600 on day, 1800 the other, 1550, etc. etc.  I didn't lose.  Then the following week I sort of gave up.  That's what brought me to this week.  I didn't exercise and didn't log my food.  I didn't "gain" either.  But something else happened.  I started to get so depressed that I found myself feeling like I did before I even started.  Apathetic.  Hopeless.  And fat and ugly.  I have lost 20 lbs.  That should be a thing to celebrate.  But the thing is, I haven't lost more than 20 lbs.  My goal was to lose 30 by Feb. 12.  It's entirely still doable.  That's 3 weeks to lose 10 lbs.  But with my lack of motivation it's going to be hard to overcome.  When the scale stopped moving...I got down in the dumps.  Then I started eating things I shouldn't.  I ate out a lot over the last couple weeks.  I drank pop and ate sweets.  It will take a lot for me to fight the cravings.  I don't have anything bad in my house to eat so that really wouldn't be a challenge.  I haven't exercised at all last week.  I feel bloated.  I haven't really gained anything back.  The scale not budging is one thing. It upsets me that I have lost motivation.  I won't give up. I am not saying that.  I just want to start seeing a loss.  I want my hard work to pay off.  And most importantly, I want to start caring again.  I might start posting on my blog more often to work out my thoughts.  Weight loss is a journey.  It is a difficult journey because there is so much to losing weight than eating right and exercising.  For someone who has overate their whole life and struggled with being 100-120 lbs overweight for over 7 years.  I learned to despise exercising and love eating.  To break all of that is a process.  I know this.  I have to continue to dig deeper. 

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