Today I hated being fat...

I was actually going to write this blog a week ago, but never got around it.  I started the post in my head so here goes......

Today I hated being fat.  To most people this sounds like a silly thing to say, because most people hate being fat.  For me it is not that concrete of an idea. I haven't liked being big for quite a while, but I haven't hated it bad enough to actually do anything about it.  Today I put on a pair of pants that throughout the course of 4 years have been both "right sized" and "too big" and sadly now, "very very very tight".  They were so tight that my body was very uncomfortable.  It was a wake up call.  Not that I haven't known this was happening.  It was just the first time I put them on and couldn't stand it.  They were so tight that it was like wearing a belt that was 2 sizes too small.  It cut into me like leather and my waist was clearly wider than the width of the pants.  I was able to button it, but that was all I could do.

It made me think.  "When am I actually going to do something about this?"


As I write this post, it is now a week later and I still haven't changed any of my habits.  But the same feeling has been there.  My body, thanks to having had a baby, is not the same.  I have a very large bulge in my stomach where I didn't used to have as much excess fat. 

I weighed myself for the first time in a long time yesterday and the scale was the highest in my life.  Even higher than my pregnancy weight.  If that doesn't wake me up then what will???!!  My fear is of reaching the cusp of another weight.  If I am apathetic any longer that is what will happen.  That scale CANNOT go up any higher! I can't let it!!!

People talk about losing weight and that they "will do anything".  But the truth is, the thought of "doing everything" scares me and disgusts me.  I like food.  I like to eat.  I like the feeling of plump satisfaction when I eat past full.  I am just being honest!! The couch is such a soft little friend.  But the truth is, it is keeping me from truly enjoying all that life has to offer.  Maybe if I get off of my little friend the couch more often I will be able to walk without being winded or dance without parts of my body bouncing that are uncomfortable to see and feel!!! I want to take a picture and not want to press the "delete" button when I see it! 


I have the tools, I just need to make the effort!! And stop making excuses!!!